The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
