Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We're too hungover to prance.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
