We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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