You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
