umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
