he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
as a side note pls kill me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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