using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Your penis caused this!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
