Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
