Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
