Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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