last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
