Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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