I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
