from now on my penis is your penis
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
