My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
