That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
