so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize
