Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
