Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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