What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
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I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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