No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
