She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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