Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
