i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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