Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
