You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
