just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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