OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
