I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
