I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
