but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
