I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize