I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
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