The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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