dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
