i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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