Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
