I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
