"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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