doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
