She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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