and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize