Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
