I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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