flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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