Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It was confusing and full of hummus
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
