He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
