so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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