ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
