The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
