Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
They should really pass out barf bags in church
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
