my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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