is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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