just come out here and I will go home with you...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
