got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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