is your mom at the bar?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
