I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
