Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Randomize
