sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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