this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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