we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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