Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
