i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
