Your face is a jimmy john
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
