Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
