why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm like, not good at living.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
