somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
